Thoughts on Sexuality and Spirituality # 1 Introduction

Introduction to Thoughts on Christian Spirituality and Human Sexuality

            There is a veritable plethora of books and articles written on the topic of Christian spirituality and perhaps more on human sexuality.  A few on both.  Some I have read are helpful.  Many seem not as helpful as I think might be beneficial to believers. So, perhaps some additional might not hurt?  My thoughts are shaped by my perceptions and understanding of scripture.  These perceptions come from years of personal reading and studying, the atmosphere in which I was raised, my unique set of experiences, my formal education, years of counseling and attempting to help others, and no doubt to a much larger degree than is probably helpful, by the entire culture in which we live. 

I am not writing as a physiological, medical, social, psychological, biological, or even theological expert here, but simply as a believer in Christ attempting to wrestle with the amazing interplay between human sexuality and spirituality.  This is an honest (At least semi honest ☺) Christian’s attempt to understand and follow revealed Scripture, ie the Bible.   I have observed a lot of stuff in this area of life, and have been called upon by quite a few to help heal broken sexual relationship issues.   Some have been healed and restored, which is wonderful.  Some have not, and folks have gone on in their brokenness and pain, leaving in their wake many others broken and in pain.  Hurt people hurt people. 

I believe I have been used of God to help heal several marriages but I recognize that I too “see through a glass, darkly,” as the Apostle Paul states in I Corinthians 13:12. I view life through my knothole in the fence of life, gather from others what wisdom I can, and attempt to present myself “to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.” 2 Timothy 2:15 NIV  I hope to shed more light than heat, but do not expect to be the last definitive word on the subject.  There is a LOT more opinion available than wisdom in the area of human sexuality.  This blog may simply add to the glut.  Let the reader ponder!  ☺ 

Human Beings Are Sexual Creatures, and God is Not Surprised.

For the most part every person in the world is either male or female.  Certainly there are a few aberrations, and these are terrible and challenging situations.  Genuine gender identity issues have to be gut-wrenching, life-shaping problems.  But those are beyond the scope of these thoughts.

Human beings are sexual creatures.  (Let’s get all the controversy out of the way right off! ☺  This may come as a great shock to some, particularly the very holy and religious among us!) 

In most cases this is physically obvious from birth, and in this day of ultrasound, substantially before birth.  Clearly little boys come standard with entirely different physical equipment than little girls, and it rarely takes a trained observer to tell the difference.   Not only physical differences are obvious, but emotional, psychological, social, and other differences typically become obvious within months of birth to those paying attention.  The only folks that cannot understand that are the highly educated folks that have an agenda to show that there is no difference between male and female except plumbing.  It is genuinely amazing what silly theories can be advanced and accepted by folks blinded by an agenda.  (Full disclosure:  Most thinking folk, this author included, probably have an agenda of some sort!)

Environment can also play a huge role in reshaping these inherent qualities for better or worse, but basically the pattern of male and female is pretty well established in most human beings well before birth.  As to the question, “Is nature or nurture determinative of gender identity,” I answer, “yes.” 

As boys and girls mature physically each develops a greater or lesser interest in and desire for sexual expression, and in most cases a desire for the opposite gender.  This produces an enormous angst in the maturing years for many, perhaps most of us, resulting in many of the typical teenage problems parents are acutely aware of.   The entire sexual experience with all that it involves appears to be a nearly universal desire, and even the main driving force, for most people at some time in their lives, and for some people at most times of their lives.

I was once told, and it seemed wise at the time and perhaps wiser now, that given a compromising situation, biology is likely to overcome theology.  Most youth raised in a Christian home and/or youth group are told regarding sex, “Don’t do it until marriage.”  Having been a pastor for many years, it seems to me that counsel is just about as efficacious as the pastor signing off his Sunday morning show by saying, “Everyone come back tonight and bring a friend.”  It is something to say, it does reflect a fine sentiment, and if honestly followed by the flock could result in splendid church growth.  But, mainly it means nothing and accomplishes about that much. 

Most youth raised in that environment could properly pass a quiz on the question of whether premarital sex, ie fornication, is acceptable.  (Particularly if it was a multiple guess test, phrased in simple terms, with only yes or no as options, perhaps with “No” bolded!)   However, when the truth is known, I suspect the percentage of people arriving at their wedding night as virgins is not high.  As dozens of folks at almost any age have come to me to be married, very few have come as either Percy or Priscilla Pureheart. I think that is much to be lamented, but still suspect it is true.  I am anxious to see if the enormous flood of readers to this blog can correct me at any point, particularly this one.

So, let us explore briefly where this sexual aspect of our nature comes from!?

First, let me state unequivocally that I believe the sexual side of our nature originated in the mind of God.  Now, before you simply shut me out as a religious nut, think about the alternative theory that we just evolved this way. 

Think of the complexity of the whole sexual experience.  How long would it take for a one-celled critter of some sort to decide to become an eye cell, and a brain cell and a muscle cell, a penis or vagina cell, etc., etc. 

Think of the incredible design of even just the male physiological sexual apparatus.  It is stunning to contemplate.  Perhaps some genius should just build something that is able to grow to its needed size, pass water when needed, and shut off the flow when not, tuck pretty well out of the way when not in use, have an amazing array of nerve cells that can be pretty tough and not at all sensitive at times, and at other times display some incredible sensitivity.  I posit the idea that no human being can even come close to building something of that complexity, and human beings are ostensibly the smartest creatures on earth by a long way. 

And yet a one celled critter emerging from the primordial ooze with the average life expectancy of a one celled critter could!!??  Man, you gotta have ENORMOUS FAITH in chance and randomness to believe that.  I simply can’t muster it myself.   Jesus said if we had faith like a mustard seed, it could be adequate.  Such astounding faith in ….. um ….. randomness requires the faith of a giant oak, yea verily the faith of an entire forest.

And then think of the female apparatus.  Easy guys, just think generically and non-sexually here!  (I know some of your minds are wandering.)  OK, that’s better.  The stunning thing is that physiologically the two parts fit together in a phenomenal way.  Go figger!  What an amazing coincidence of evolution that is!  Them there little one celled critters are amazing.  And that does not account for the mental, emotional, hormonal, interpersonal relationship side of sex, or for eyes, ears, noses, giraffes, gnus, and platypuses.  Yes sir, anyone that can actually believe in total evolution has to have incredible faith!  Stunning faith! 

There is no way the entire sexual piece of life just accidentally came to pass.  That leaves only one other choice.  Somewhere there is a designer VASTLY beyond anything the most brilliant among us can begin to comprehend. 

As it turns out, the Bible DOES explain the origin of sex.  And, ….. wait for it ….. GOD HIMSELF thunk of it.  This tells us a bunch of stuff both about human sexuality, and about God.  God thought up the concept of sex, He created it into His world, He placed it into most of the rest of creation, and then into mankind, first with Adam, and then, after Adam had enough time to realize he was lonely, God created Eve to complement and fit together with Adam, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and sexually.  And, those of us that are connoisseurs of such, say, “Yee Haw!”

God created man and woman, and created them to live forever.  They were given free will, a part of which was the option to obey God or try life out apart from God.  They were tempted by the enemy, ate the fruit, and sure enough they suddenly knew the difference between good and evil.  It was a bad trade!  And, man, it screwed everything in the world up!!  You can read about it in the first few chapters of Genesis.  It is an amazing account.

A part of creation was the original Divine instruction to “be fruitful and multiply …”  (Genesis 1:22)   This was before the fall, and makes it clear that sexuality was an original part of God’s plan and purpose.  It did not originate after the world was messed up by the fall.  This is very instructive, because it makes clear that the sexual relationship itself is not bad, evil, sinful, nasty, or dirty.  God intended for man and woman to be able to cleave together in such a way that the two become one.  There is no relationship that can provide closer fellowship, camaraderie, fulfillment, and completeness than this.  (However, no relationship can provide more trauma either.)  It was the very first human relationship created by God, and it was very good.  That is why the attack on the family is so unrelenting.   The family is God’s ideal.

Naturally, then, the enemy of our souls, variously called Lucifer, the Devil, Beelzebub, Satan, etc., wants to destroy God’s handiwork.  Once the fall occurred, the entire world system changed.  Now the world, our own flesh, and the Devil all conspire to defeat, discourage, and destroy us.   

The world and its philosophy is at enmity with God seeks to draw us in with, among other things, what we have come to call peer pressure, which is a powerful thing.  The world is also now full of futility.  Romans 8:18-25 expresses this thought.  No task is now easy.  Try simply growing a garden.  One has to fight weeds, rocks, bugs, weather, varmints, and a host of impediments to get a crop.  It has been so from the fall of man in the Garden. 

Our own flesh works against us.  Our very appetites will destroy us, left unchecked.  Our flesh responds to such everyday things as eating and drinking in a way to mess us up.  Try losing weight.  Try to stop smoking or drinking alcohol, or quitting drugs or any other sort of addictive behavior.  Our own flesh uses regular (and irregular) things to destroy us. 

And, of course the Devil uses both the world and the flesh to mess us up in a host of ways.  Just observe the problems of mankind, and in every realm of life we see folks having a painful time of it.  We see sickness, disease, birth defects, addictions, relationship traumas, rape, kidnapping, wars, foolish governments, betrayal, and at the end for each of us, death.  Have a nice day!  ☺  Life is a beach, as they might say in the Bahamas, and then you die!

When God told Adam and Eve that on the day they ate the fruit they would die, at least a huge part of that meant they would be separated.  Death is separation.  (At physical death, the soul separates from the body.  The body may still be there, but most can tell with a little careful observation, that something is missing, …..  particularly after a few days!) 

Adam and Eve certainly were immediately separated from God.  Whereas the day before, they walked and talked with God in the garden, after the fall, they hid from God.  (Incidentally, this is a highly futile, yet very popular approach yet today.) 

Then they were separated from their inner love, joy, and peace.  Suddenly they were afraid of God.  Whereas all had been peace and love and joy, now there was fear. 

They were also separated from the close and intimate fellowship with one another they had.  The domestic tranquility was profoundly disturbed.  Adam blamed Eve, and tried to blame God by saying, “The woman you put here with me-- she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it." Genesis 3:12 NIV  Men have been blaming their wives …. and God ……. for their problems ever since.  (“If it wasn’t for her, I would be happy!”  “How could a loving God permit wars, strife, evil, etc.?”  Wives, having learned, also blame their husbands and anyone in sight.)

Their children were also separated from fellowship with God and one another, to the degree that one killed another.

And, of course the process of physical death also immediately entered into the world.  Whereas they were designed to live forever, now they became physically finite.  Death even descended into the rest of the natural order.  God Himself killed the first animal to provide clothing for them, and authorized the eating of meat, obviously also requiring death.

Sin can also separate us from family, friends, spouses, jobs, and society.   Think divorce, prison, wars, screw ups, and all the ways people are torn apart.  Sin separates, and one way or another, messes up our world.

The entire sexual relationship became marred along with everything else.  Before the fall sexuality apparently happened, but was pure, wonderful, guilt free, and innocent.   “They were naked and not ashamed.”  (Some today seek to emulate that, but it requires a lot of work and a burying of now inbred inhibitions. ☺)  That all changed when the knowledge of good and evil came into the picture.  Now they realized they were naked, and were ashamed before God and others.

There is another interesting note here.  The enemy of God and man cast doubt on God’s veracity.  “And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die.”  Genesis 2:16-17 NIV  Pretty straight forward, wouldn’t you say!?

But, the enemy came with great subtlety and trickery to the woman.  “You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman.  "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Genesis 3:4-5 NIV  What is so amazing is that exactly the same trick the enemy used on the very first woman, still works on highly educated folks thousands of years later today.    He casts doubt on what God has said.  The enemy knew that if he could get people to doubt God, they had nothing else to stand on.

Later the Bible expresses it this way.  “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.”  Proverbs 14:12 NIV The reason we continue to fall for the same line is that it “seems right!!!” 

When we doubt God, we begin to define life on our own terms, or really the terms supplied us by the enemy of God and man.  These terms can look good, feel good, sound good, and our entire culture may even agree.  But it still leads to death.  

Lord willing we will continue our discussion of spirituality and sexuality in days to come.  I welcome your input.

Forgive Us Our Trespasses

Forgive Us as We Forgive Others

Some of you who hang around in Christian or “church” circles may have heard and even spoken out loud the words, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”  (If you haven’t …… um …. you may need to get out more!)  Some say “sins,” others, “debts,” but no matter how you express it, I find it difficult to pray honestly without feeling I must modify it to say, “Lord, please have mercy on me and forgive me much better than I forgive others.” 

For much of my life I didn’t really feel I had an awful lot to forgive others for.  I mean there were the little slights, hurts, disappointments, etc., but nothing like many have had to deal with; rape, murder, abuse, neglect, abandonment, the list is nearly endless.  There ARE things in life that are mighty stinking hard to forgive.

Several years ago, having planted and pastored a church for 23 years, I was suddenly confronted by some I believed to be my closest companions, and thrown out of ministry with a series of half truths, untruths, misunderstandings, suppositions, speculations, etc.  (I certainly felt like it was more of an attack, but I am not sure how they may have viewed it.)  These were all publicly declared as gospel truth not only to the entire congregation but written out to my “denomination’s” credentialing body.

I was stunned, amazed, devastated, crushed, wounded, angry ….. well, there simply are no words …...

The results of this action were, as one would imagine, devastating.  The congregation I had labored for 23 years to build was decimated.  Long standing relationships were destroyed over night.  Some believed the allegations, others didn’t, but it was as though someone had pulled the pin on a grenade and lobbed it into the tent.  My reputation in our small town and denomination was trashed, as people had no idea what to believe and I was allowed to make no defense ……… ever.

A year or two from retirement age my income and life’s calling were removed.  

My children lost complete faith in the leadership that had raised them in the faith.  My prayer and concern is that they not completely lose faith in God.  But, I suppose that is above my pay grade to control.  Many new believers were shattered in their faith.  They couldn’t trust their “pastor” who now was under a cloud of allegations of evil.  Yet they could not trust the leadership of the church as things were done so unthinkingly.  Many were and are scattered to the wind, “like sheep without a shepherd,” as Jesus said.

Sunday School teachers, Elders, Deacons, Pastors, family friends, suddenly treated me and my family like pariahs.  I and we went from being loved, honored, respected, cherished, and sought after to being social outcasts from our long standing friends overnight.  Those we had comforted, counseled, loved, stood with, married, buried their loved ones, saved their marriages, defended, prayed for, wept with, and ministered to for years suddenly disappeared. 

Many real live people were damaged, perhaps eternally, by these actions.

Well, enough sharing of the pain.  The pain is not the issue.  I even raise the pain issue fearfully, not wanting to either simply glean sympathy or to throw rocks.  I share these personal things to indicate how difficult it can be to pray sincerely “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”  It is profoundly challenging when the wounds of life are, intentionally or not, inflicted by those we love most, particularly when we believed they also love us the most.  Shakespeare sounds Julius Caesar’s plaintive cry as he is dying at the hands of his closest friends, “et tu Brute.”  “And you, Brutus.”  This literary term is now used to portray the utmost betrayal. 

I want to believe these men had noble, and perhaps pure, motives.  I cannot know their hearts.  But it appears to me that their stated objective of “protecting the Church” did not find its intended mark, and rather caused widespread devastation. 

Now, that is at the human level.   I call to mind the Bible account in Genesis of Jacob’s sons selling their brother, Joseph, into slavery into Egypt.  Although at the human level there may have been every sort of emotion and motive on the part of each brother, their actions did not thwart God or His plans, and in fact, God used their sin to deliver the nation later.  Now their action DID bring enormous pain, mourning, grieving, and a cover up of many years hiding the truth from their father.  So in my life, I have no idea whether or not God is through with me in ministry, but it is certain that these things did not happen apart from His knowledge.  And, faith would instruct that the end of the story is not yet told.

In our world many experience pain, trauma, betrayal, and unimaginable atrocities at the hands of others, often even family.  Physical and sexual abuse and a multitude of other ills are rampant throughout our culture and the world.

 Yet we are to pray, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”  We scream against this.  It is not “fair.”  We want revenge, justice, truth. 

The only voice that speaks for forgiveness is the “still small voice.”  Jesus makes it clear, Matthew:14-15 “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” NIV Many other scriptures teach that we will be “judged as we judge,” we will “reap as we sow,” etc.  This is challenging stuff.

As believers we must wrestle with forgiving others.  Our eternal destiny, our mental, emotional, and spiritual health, our sanity, our joy, all depend upon grasping this.  As with other difficult sayings of Jesus, I struggle daily with this and must openly acknowledge to God that I know I should forgive, I want to forgive, I will to forgive, I speak words of forgiveness, and yet I need His grace in ways I don’t even know to complete this and make it a daily reality.  Perhaps I am beginning to learn and do this??  I fervently hope so.  Nothing like being late to the party, eh!?  

But, if the Gospel is not adequate for the real trials of life and death, who needs it?  Is it merely myth and fluff and man’s invention to keep other men enslaved, as is the charge of the cynic?  If so, there is no hope for this world or the next. 

When God forgives, He seems to be able to also “forget.”  I do not seem to be able to, either in forgiving myself, or in forgiving others.  God seems to be able to wipe the slate entirely clean, and does so upon our open acknowledgement of our sin, weaknesses, and failures.  I John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”  NKJ  This is an amazing and wonderful thing. 

I must add to my sin a weakness in the area of forgiveness, and readily confess it.  But the ideal is out there for us, and it is in the recognizing …. and striving ……… and confessing ……. That we can grow more like Him.  

But, in our human condition, I do not think forgiveness is merely acting as though no wrong was committed.  One who has been genuinely wronged cannot maintain intellectual integrity by simply acting as though it was “all my fault,” or that nothing really happened.  It is very good for us to evaluate deeply and honestly OUR part in a problem, face it, confess it, and deal with it.  But we seem inclined to either blame just “him,” “her,” or “them,” or just myself, or in some other way miss the point.   

Many, perhaps most, of the slights we experience are more in our perception than in reality.   We must honestly evaluate and not permit our own minds or imaginations to supply self inflicted wounds.  We need to extend to one another the benefit of the doubt.  If we find ourselves perpetually wounded …… it may be just us!

But there are also real hurts inflicted upon the world, and sometimes upon us.  As we look at the rejection of Jesus, for example, we see that many DID manipulate others for their own advantage.  There were false witnesses, there were traps laid, there were plots made to trick, deceive, and destroy this pure, innocent, Lamb of God.  Now, this was all a part of God’s foreknowledge and plan, and He was able to turn it for the salvation of mankind, but there WAS and IS actual evil and wrongdoing in the world.  

Every human being since the fall of man in the Garden has imperfect knowledge and understanding, messed up emotions, broken relationships, and is broken in a host of ways.  In the beginning, Cain killed his own brother Abel, over who gave the proper sacrifice.  Mankind has been killing one another, literally and figuratively, ever since. 

Ponder just a few of the overwhelming things some folks must learn to overcome to properly pray, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

Ø      Parents never get it completely “right” in spite of the fact that every generation says, “Man, I’ll never do THAT.”  Some do better than others, often dramatically, but all fall short.  All of our parents have failed us somewhere along the line.

Ø      Even young children wound one another emotionally by rejection, selfishness, manipulation, deceit, tattling, etc., and it increases as they get older. 

Ø      Sexual dysfunction is, in one way or another, a part of us all.  None of us are completely well adjusted.  Some abuse, exploit and manipulate others, often in the most horrible, even fatal ways.  Some use sex as a tool, others as a weapon.  All want it, and yet all mar it.  Some are bound up for fear of it by background, experience, religion, insecurity, etc. Others have no fear of it and become enslaved by it and completely miss the genuine love and companionship that could be available.  It has been said that men use affection to get sex, and women use sex to get affection.  But all are a mess.  We can be insecure or arrogant about it, and sometimes both at once, but we each have our baggage about it, as with everything else in life.  This produces amazing life long struggles in many people. 

Ø      War and strife happens, regardless of our philosophical desires or political beliefs.  Dictators rise and kill all rivals and families …. Various sects arise and kill each other.  The Hatfields fight the McCoys.  At times it may look more civilized with lawsuits, buyouts, etc., but still, wars rage on.  Even within the family of God this tendency exists.  If we do not humbly seek God with sincerity and truth, we can find ourselves fighting the Baptists, or Lutherans, or Catholics, or Mormons, or Jews, or Muslims, or simply the folks across the street.  Many even destroy their own church family.  Because, after all, we are “right.”

All these examples show that in this broken world, all of us have harmed others, knowingly or unknowingly, and all of us have been and will be harmed by others.  It is inevitable.  Yet we are to pray, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

Jesus offers forgiveness for all of our brokenness, meanness, hardness, and sin, and offers a different sort of life than the world at large experiences.  A part of that life is to learn to actually forgive others, so that we do not forever run around as victims, or forever miss the abundant life because all we can see is hurt.

One way I am attempting to deal with the hurt, pain and trauma I have experienced is to realize that I myself blew it, and have blown it! 

Jesus never blew it, and evil still was present.  But I have blown it ….. repeatedly, regularly, routinely, sometimes knowingly, and sometimes not.

Had I responded properly when the test came to me, it might have had an entirely different outcome.   I should have known better.  I was the spiritual leader, the mentor, the example.  But, I was taken so by surprise and shock that I responded in the flesh.  I suspect that is how our tests mostly come ….  from an unexpected direction.  If we are not at the top of our spiritual game …… or, even worse, if we think we are ….. we are fixin’ to get shellacked!!  Perhaps that is why 1 Corinthians 10:12 says, “Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.”  NKJ

I was served up a fantastic opportunity to lead my guys and the church in how to respond to attack under pressure.  I reacted in the flesh, which enabled them to react further in the flesh, and the result was that everyone in sight was hurt, battered, and bruised.  Hopefully this failure will not be fatal, but it has been costly.

The next verse states a well known, but perhaps not so often employed, principle,

1 Corinthians 10:13  “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” NKJ   I can look back and see several “off ramps” the Lord may have provided, but I missed them and sped up as the “Bridge Out” sign loomed.

            One of the interesting things about facing our own “stuff,” is that it really doesn’t minimize what others have done, but does help us realize our need for grace.  When we can honestly see our need for grace, it helps us see the need to extend grace to others. 

            On the cross Jesus said, Luke 23:34 “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” NIV  There were varying degrees of guilt and knowledge among the various participants in the crucifixion drama.  Some may have been merely stupid; some were to a greater or lesser degree simply ignorant; some may have been really evil, “a brood of vipers” as it were.  But, only God is capable of knowing which is which. 

There is a pithy (and irritating to the flesh) passage in Romans 12:16-21 “Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.  Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.  If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.  On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”  NIV

I’m quite sure I do not yet “get it,” but I think I get it more now than before the trauma, ……… And, apart from the trauma, I may never have even known I need to get it.  I’m beginning to think that until we are crushed a fair amount, we don’t produce much good aroma.  I don’t like the crushing process, and rarely would volunteer for it.  But since most folks get crushed at some time or another, we must also need it ourselves so we can stand with those that are being crushed. 

            2 Corinthians 1:3-5 indicates there is indeed a significant purpose for our pain.  “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.  For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.”  NIV 

            So, I find myself praying,

Lord, help me to forgive others as I have been forgiven, but please do it as gently as you can! 

And also, please give me the proper desire and understanding and grace to forgive others.

And also, Lord, please forgive me abundantly more than I do others, because left to myself I am absolutely doomed!

Help me to live a life of actual grace.